anxiety – Peaceful Reader

Feeling the blues, finding the joy

I know I’m not the only one but it still feels uncomfortable. I went to bed on Christmas night fighting all manner of demons. Did everyone get something they were excited about? Was there enough food? Was there enough joy and laughter? Our time together is very limited as a family and we had a new boyfriend in the mix. Did he enjoy his time with us? Was it all stimulating enough? Did we take them to cool places in town? Were we Covid-cautious enough for the New Yorkers? And the tree-oh, the tree was a whole thing!

It’s hard to answer all these questions as you head off to sleep and truthfully you never know but here is what I do know: our bellies were full with good food, we laughed and played together and there was not one fight! People seemed happy with gifts they received and most importantly they seemed to enjoy the gift giving process as well. Even the son got on board with gift giving in real time. Last year he ordered everyone’s gifts Christmas Day and while that had its own thrill, this year he said it was important to see everyone’s faces as they opened gifts! There in is the gift worth opening-the spirit of simple giving.

I’ve worked to let my anxious feelings go over the last few days. It is what it is and I can see us laughing together especially over our online Jeopardy, the raucous sounds of lively foosball games rising from the basement, and the joy of sitting around the table together. One of my highlights was listening to Kaylee explain just how Christmas morning would go because we have a pattern, a flow to how our traditions unfold and that description was priceless.

The new year is approaching and the children are once again scattered back to their homes but we will hold the Christmas of 2021 especially dear because we could be all together and we were happy for those days, sharing our memories and our lives. We say “cheers” for a healthy and hope-filled 2022. Find what makes you stay sane…

What is your love language?

We are living in a rough environment right now. So much that surrounds are daily life are colliding. Emotions, government, lifestyles, masks/vaccinations, climate developments. I’ve discovered that when I’m struggling emotionally I connect with food. I’ve made a wide variety of recipes the last few weeks. And then I’ll completely stop making food and just eat snacks for dinner; cheese, crackers, and a cluster of grapes. It’s back and forth. For awhile I was really focused on my at home yoga practice with Adriene but I’ve slacked off – like way off. I haven’t done a lick of yoga throughout September except this morning. I was awake too early and decided to spend some of that time blinking my eyes open and reconnecting to my mat. It felt great and I know I can get back on track but I still feel a bit off kilter. I’m going to make the promise to show up though and as she’s says that’s what’s important.

(Buffalo Chickpea Salad)

Here’s a smattering of what I’ve cooked to connect to myself. I made this Quinoa Enchilada Bake after I discovered Jamie and her Dishing out Health on Instagram. I’ve made several of her recipes now and love every one. Many are vegan or can easily be with minimal switches. I made this Wild Rice and Mushroom Soup to split with Tristan and my husband “accidentally” had a bowl after work and loved it. I made this Buffalo Chickpea Salad with Yogurt Ranch Dressing which was so easy and packed a little heat! And to combat allergies and the cooler Fall weather I made this Immunity Boosting Tumeric Chicken Soup because I had leftovers from an farm-raised chicken.

And because I love dessert I made this Easy S’mores Dip to share with friends. It was amazing and days later I was still scraping chocolate and toasted marshmallows crusts from my Lodge skillet. Last night after a meeting I came home and made this easy brownie recipe to share at school for a teacher friend’s birthday. Just for fun I added chopped up marshmallows and broiled the pan for just about 5 minutes. The brownies were dense and delicious all on their own but the browned marshmallows added extra birthday zing! This recipe truly was easy and I’ll make it again when in a pinch for a chocolate treat.

This is the love I share with my family and friends. I feed them. It’s an old tradition that stems from my grandmother who loved to offer visitors a meal or at least a sandwich! I just finished the very quirky Anxious People by Fredrik Backman which I loved even after a rocky start. And I’m trying to spend as much time outside as I possible can to soak up the wonderful weather before it gets too cold. Recently I was lucky enough to connect with my dearest friend, Verda, and we walked her dogs, shopped at crafty local stores, ate good food, and talked about the world. I guess maybe my recent blue period is because I want that to be my every day. I love teaching and connecting with students but I’m constantly worried about getting sick. Even though I know I’m in a much safer category after having Covid and getting vaccinated but it is still a major worry.

“Find what feels good” ~Adriene and try and remain calm – this is my new mantra. Say it with me…

Too much to think about…

Last weekend I mentioned in my post that I really only thought about cooking and reading books. I have to amend this statement so you understand fully. I think about so MANY things it becomes overwhelming. It makes it easier to narrow it down to cooking and reading. Here is a smattering of other topics I think about…

World Peace

Kids in poverty globally – specifically the dear ones I know here

Donald Trump – just everything about him and his cronies/family

My family: I think about my kids a lot, not always a worry, sometimes just “I wonder how your day is…”

The environment and plastics in the ocean – just did an amazing research project with Hansen kids on this topic and it is mind-blowing and disgusting how much trash and plastic particles are in the ocean.

My extended family and friend relationships

School, work, lesson plans, my overload of 1,000 + emails, right now my portfolio due soon

Climate Change – I worry about this on a daily basis, really.

Immigration esp. concerning kids, human trafficking, sweatshops

My two gorgeous yet problematic dogs

Awkward conversations

the LGBTQIA and how to make us all one community

My old house and all of it’s needs (and wants)

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Black/Brown lives matter and how to fix this in our society

and now The College Scandal

This list is a random order – I could be thinking about my school work and suddenly I’m thinking about human trafficking. One big thing leads to another equally important big thing.

Life is overwhelming often, so yes, it is escapism to think of cooking delicious food for your family and friends, listening to beautiful music, a simple glass of wine, reading a good book. If you can’t let these big things go a bit then we are all going to hell in a great big overpriced Gucci purse. We need to focus on the good positive around us to, to help in whatever ways we can on a daily basis and yet be able to let it all go for our own well-being at the end of the day. I struggle with this and try to overcome it.