family – Page 2 – Peaceful Reader

Friendship and family

Friendship is a gift. Sometimes you meet people in your life that become family. So it was when I met my friend Jennifer in Colorado. We connected over drinks and had much to talk about. We shared stories especially about our mothers, their odd habits and antiquated ideas, and we’ve remained friends for 30 years. We’ve had one major squabble and it took us awhile to come back to each other but we did because we still saw value in our connection. I think of her as one of my sisters.

With friends and family there is a certain amount of grace you have to hold in your heart to move on and realize how important someone is in your life. I wished I could have remained in Denver so we could raise our children together. I was called back to the Midwest for family matters and never found my way back to the mountains. Thankfully we both stayed in touch over the years through long phone calls.

Sometimes family members become friends and that is an amazing bond. Even though I’m still the mama I see the relationship with my children take on a very different role that is both family and friendship. They don’t want my help as much as a parent but more as a listener or occasional adviser. I’ve learned to let them come to me through phone calls and to take a step back. I want to have a lifelong relationship with them, where we are able to be there for each other. It takes work as all good partnerships do. Part of that is seeing them as fully capable adults knowing you had a small hand in that.

We should try and treat all the people we care deeply about with a sense of family, bonded through mutual respect. Even if we don’t always agree with them. Be as kind as you can.

My jacket

I’ve loved this leather jacket for many years. I bought it in my mid 20’s when I worked for Benetton in Minneapolis/St Paul. I wore it to concerts and shows, often to 1st Avenue. A coat like this becomes part of your person. Friends asked to borrow it and I happily let them because I wanted to share the good vibes I had while wearing the jacket. It brought me such joy. It still does.

Several years later I moved to Boulder, Colorado and I still wore the jacket although not as frequently. My Minneapolis downtown style intersected with my newly embraced mountain bohemian rhapsody. Flannel shirts and and t-shirts fit nicely under this black rugged jacket. The story of the jacket takes a turn here a few more years later while I was living in Denver.

I wore the jacket out one night with jeans and a simple white t-shirt. I met my friend Stan at a bar where he was entertaining his friends from Chicago. They’d gone golfing during the day and then he called and asked if I would join them. I was introduced to the guys who were rowdy and raring to go for their night out. I had one gin and tonic while we made plans to find some food. Both Stan and I needed to eat and were body aware enough that we usually made it a priority if we were out together. While we made plans to go to a favorite Mexican restaurant we ran into some local friends including Stan’s roommate Chris. We ended up back at Chris’ girlfriends house which was supposed to be a small stop but turned into a major ordeal.

The girlfriend’s roommate was acting as host and offered to make us drinks. We accepted but Stan and I were still very much on the “must get food soon” He (the roommate) brought hand mixed drinks out to each of us although several of the Chicago boys just had beers. They were restless so it was decided that they would go for food with Stan driving while I stayed back and waited for Chris and the girlfriend (I’ve completely blanked her name but I can picture her). It seemed like mere moments after they left that I finished the drink and I was beyond exhausted and started to fall asleep on the sofa.

This is the point in the story where many of you might be thinking “what was in the drink?” and you would be right. I ended up crashing in the roommate’s bed with promises from both Chris and the girlfriend that I would be completely safe. I crashed hard, missed Stan and friends coming back with food, and ended up puking my guts out in the middle of the night after feeling said roommate naked and rubbing up against me. I wandered out to the living room, grabbed my jacket, and dialed my own apartment asking my brother to pick me up through quiet sobs. I waited outside for him and realized I was missing the belt of my beloved leather jacket but I couldn’t walk back into that house and hoped it could be retrieved at a later time.

I should have had my brother take me to the nearest emergency room. I just wanted to crawl in bed and forget about it. This was the 1990’s; until that night I’d never even thought about date rape drugs. It just never occurred to me but there was definitely something in that drink that made me pass out. Even though I still love this jacket and wear it happily I always remember a glimmer of that night when I put my arms into the sleeves, when I think about the empty belt loops. I choose to wear it anyway.

Even though I remember I’m not going to let it overwhelm my love and attachment to this singular item or my general well-being. Humans are hearty souls and we are able to adapt to overwhelming situations. I tell this story now just to write it out one more time as a reminder of what I’ve experienced and how lucky I was to have woken up because the story could have had a much different ending.

What is your love language?

We are living in a rough environment right now. So much that surrounds are daily life are colliding. Emotions, government, lifestyles, masks/vaccinations, climate developments. I’ve discovered that when I’m struggling emotionally I connect with food. I’ve made a wide variety of recipes the last few weeks. And then I’ll completely stop making food and just eat snacks for dinner; cheese, crackers, and a cluster of grapes. It’s back and forth. For awhile I was really focused on my at home yoga practice with Adriene but I’ve slacked off – like way off. I haven’t done a lick of yoga throughout September except this morning. I was awake too early and decided to spend some of that time blinking my eyes open and reconnecting to my mat. It felt great and I know I can get back on track but I still feel a bit off kilter. I’m going to make the promise to show up though and as she’s says that’s what’s important.

(Buffalo Chickpea Salad)

Here’s a smattering of what I’ve cooked to connect to myself. I made this Quinoa Enchilada Bake after I discovered Jamie and her Dishing out Health on Instagram. I’ve made several of her recipes now and love every one. Many are vegan or can easily be with minimal switches. I made this Wild Rice and Mushroom Soup to split with Tristan and my husband “accidentally” had a bowl after work and loved it. I made this Buffalo Chickpea Salad with Yogurt Ranch Dressing which was so easy and packed a little heat! And to combat allergies and the cooler Fall weather I made this Immunity Boosting Tumeric Chicken Soup because I had leftovers from an farm-raised chicken.

And because I love dessert I made this Easy S’mores Dip to share with friends. It was amazing and days later I was still scraping chocolate and toasted marshmallows crusts from my Lodge skillet. Last night after a meeting I came home and made this easy brownie recipe to share at school for a teacher friend’s birthday. Just for fun I added chopped up marshmallows and broiled the pan for just about 5 minutes. The brownies were dense and delicious all on their own but the browned marshmallows added extra birthday zing! This recipe truly was easy and I’ll make it again when in a pinch for a chocolate treat.

This is the love I share with my family and friends. I feed them. It’s an old tradition that stems from my grandmother who loved to offer visitors a meal or at least a sandwich! I just finished the very quirky Anxious People by Fredrik Backman which I loved even after a rocky start. And I’m trying to spend as much time outside as I possible can to soak up the wonderful weather before it gets too cold. Recently I was lucky enough to connect with my dearest friend, Verda, and we walked her dogs, shopped at crafty local stores, ate good food, and talked about the world. I guess maybe my recent blue period is because I want that to be my every day. I love teaching and connecting with students but I’m constantly worried about getting sick. Even though I know I’m in a much safer category after having Covid and getting vaccinated but it is still a major worry.

“Find what feels good” ~Adriene and try and remain calm – this is my new mantra. Say it with me…

Natural Wonders

This summer I’ve been lucky to see a lot of natural beauty around me. I took a kayak day trip down a beautiful river with friends, looking up at gorgeous cliffs. And just yesterday I returned from 10 days on the road from Iowa to upstate New York and many cool places along the way. One of our first stops was South Bend, IN so I could check out Brain Lair Books and just to be in former Mayor Pete Buttigieg’s homeland. We had a delicious dinner there and then went onward across the country. Near Buffalo we veered over to see Niagara Falls for the first time. I’d only thought of this as a major tourist attraction and was delighted to behold the actual beauty of the water and the power it held. It roars over the edge but before that as you walk over the bridge you witness an almost ethereal blue color in the water. It was difficult to leave but the masses were starting to descend and we spent all of our vacation trying to keep ahead and away from the crowds.

We witnessed another amazing wonder at the Watkins Glen State Park in upstate New York. This gorge is a beautiful masterpiece carved into rock from erosion. The layers are striking as the waters rush through from up top. We hiked all the way up which took us behind two waterfalls and many, many wet steps up. It took us half the morning to climb up and then we spent the rest of the afternoon on a rental boat in the south side of Seneca Lake looking up at the rolling hills and waterfalls. Our trip out into the lake was cut short when a rainstorm rushed us back to the marina but we had fun tooling around on the boat and jumping into the chill lake in the time that we had. Some of our group went horseback riding into the hills and others traveled into the town of Corning to enjoy museums. Vacations are like that; there is something for everyone. Including wine slushees and Grateful Dead cover bands – thanks Hazlitt Vineyards. We had a fantastic time exploring the great outdoors and when we had to go indoors we masked up.

Storms

(The Patch)

What if today was the last day I saw my daughter? If she blew away or I blew away. Would she know how much I love her?

The dog sits on high alert trembling next to me. The sounds are shooting all around us. It’s dark as dusk out even though it’s only 4pm.

I went down the wrong way on a one -way street last weekend and my mind keeps repeating this. Accidents happen so quickly.

I was hit once going through an intersection. T-boned they say, like the steak. Our Volkswagen Jetta station wagon tipped over and was pushed a foot or so up the street but the police issued me a ticket. They waited while I was in the emergency room. I’d just picked my daughter up from after school care at her school. She had blood on her arm and kept saying “It’s my mommy’s blood” after they pulled her out the back window. Scared and crying; “It’s my mommy’s blood” on repeat.

Years pass. Has the storm passed? The dog is calmer listening to Alexa’s piano selections. I refuse to turn on the television just to hear all the flashing weather reports. I can hear it outside. I refuse to go to the basement also although I did go down just to take the laundry out. There are no comfy spots to relax with the scared dog and the old dog so I’m upstairs in the family room. Listening to the rain come down hard and the wind blowing the trees on the side of the house.

I was in another accident years ago in my 20s. It was dusk and an elderly man stopped confused by the red turn light even though he was in the lane with a green light. It was an icy Minnesota winter night and four cars behind him slide into each other, boom, boom, boom, boom on the bumpers. No one was hurt although I think the man’s ego was severely bruised.

Clear across town my daughter texts “on my way home” through the torrential rain and I think about the water rising on the roads and the teen drivers all leaving the water park. I would ask her to stay put but I know she is anxious to be home, here with me on the sofa with the dogs listening to piano muzak.

I see my Prius in the dark driveway getting a free carwash. I’m still thinking about the tall trees that surround the house, most of the time like a protective forest but now like a timber ready to take us out.

Driving doesn’t look safe as I check the front window, water filling the roadway as cars swoosh their way through.

What if today was the last day I saw my daughter? If she blew away or I blew away. Would she know how much I love her?

I recently read a stream-of-conscience novel and I wanted to try that style of writing as an experiment. We had heavy storms the other night with 49 tornadoes touching down in this area. I wrote this in the dark with a flashlight in the back of an old book because I didn’t want to disturb the shaking dog. Enjoy.

We all need to connect

Happy Papa’s Day to everyone out there who takes their parenting job seriously. There are a lot of deadbeat dads out there but I’d say most are trying to do their best. I salute you. My dad was a good dad when I was growing up, he cared and was a good listener, and he often offered solid advice. He was not perfect by any means. He was a writer who always had a cigarette in his hand and life often beat him down. That’s him above with 3-year-old Tristan in the Grand Canyon.

My husband is a caring, funny father because he likes to entertain his three children and loves to tell stories. Groovy Girl is off to work today at the water park and Kaylee is out there in Brooklyn living her cool life. She sent a lovely handwritten letter that he opened this morning. Tristan surprised Greg by showing up in person. He works a lot and Sunday is his one major day to rest and recuperate yet he made the hour drive to show up. Luckily I had a heads-up that he might show up and I whipped together this potato breakfast scramble so we could eat together. This is a recipe I found a year ago on Instagram from vegan influencer Tabitha Brown and I love that she seemingly throws easy, on-hand ingredients together to make comfort food. She has a calm spirit and a sense of humor just like my yoga guide Adriene.

There is so much good stuff out there and even though I miss my dad I have lots of other dad-like influencers that I have come to rely on. My dad’s friend Marv, my friend Mike W., Rocky P. and Steve T. who died just a few months ago are all people who are just a bit older and have that dad wisdom that we all could use now and again. My brother, even though he is younger, is someone I can rely on for help. We all need people to care about us, to listen, and offer free good advice. Be a dad to someone.

I also made a non-vegan breakfast that we scarfed up earlier, that should have been served to friends but the timing just didn’t work out. It was delicious; like having your eggs and toast in one. I loved that I could put it altogether last night and then bake it this morning. I sprinkled bacon on half of it instead of using sausage so that the vegetarian (me) in the house could enjoy it. And the father in this house loves the bacon! And I shook up two Bloody Mary’s too. Oh, yeah, summertime brunch.

Enjoy. Hug all your people.

May Celebrations

The weather is chilly here, I am still wearing a warmer coat to walk the dogs, and haven’t planted anything yet because it gets too cold at night. Every once in a while the sun is strong in the afternoon and feels nice and warm. I’m ready for the intense heat of summertime. I’m also ready for my school students to run wildly out the door, to be free for the summer, to put this year behind. I don’t know what next year will look like but these kids need a summer break.

Yesterday I drove back home after visiting my brother and sister-in-law in the Minneapolis area. It was cold there also. Friday night we had an excellent dinner with this chickpea soup prepared by both my brother and his wife and old family friends helped as well. I feel like I’ve known them my whole life and there is something so reassuring about having people in your life that knew you as a young person. Marv was one of my dad’s best friends and Marcia still remains one of my mother’s besties. It was wonderful to watch the two of them talk at the table together, heads leaning in. My mother broke her hip in a recent fall and uses a walker right now and Marcia has her own. Marv recently recovered from a very serious heart surgery as well. We are all getting older. Yep. The night was magical though and it was lovely to visit with both Marv and Marcia, sharing and listening to their life stories. My nephew Beckett interviewed Marv about his Cold War experiences guarding the Berlin Wall. I loved hearing Marcia’s stories about childbirth in the 1970s where she had to argue to have her husband in the delivery room. We’ve come a long way baby.

The next day we had a lazy morning (I slept until 9:30!) and then went to Excelsior, browsed and had lunch at Coalition. We celebrated Mother’s Day all weekend and my brother’s 49th birthday. We had four different delicious desserts over the course of two days. And then I made fresh cinnamon rolls for Sunday brunch before we left town. I should think about giving up sugar for a few weeks. My brother is an amazing chef and really enjoys planning a menu and sharing food with friends and neighbors.

And then we had to come home, back to reality, back to lesson planning and waking up early. I did come home to a lovely daughter, and another calling me to leave a happy message from Brooklyn, and a son who took time to call and chat about everything. I felt loved all weekend long and even more so pulling into my own driveway, reaching my home destination because my family was happy to see me and my dogs were so excited to see me. I could tell because of the full body tail shake!

I finished The Night Watchman by Louise Erdrich, an excellent read, Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi, the author of Homecoming, another excellent read. Now I am reading The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett, author of The Mothers, both wonderful stories. I’m trying to squeeze in lots of adult fiction before summer hits because I’m taking two classes and I have lots of award contenders to read before August. Librarian Life. Enjoy…

Showing UP: a love letter

I love the three children that grew up in our house together. I tried my best to show up and be a good mama. It didn’t happen every day or every moment but I hope my children remember times that I was there for them, that I supported and encouraged them. All three are adults now off in the world doing their own things.

Kaylee, the oldest of the three and my stepdaughter, produces a podcast, Heavyweight, for Gimlet Media and she lives in Brooklyn, NY. She’s been stuck in NY throughout the pandemic learning to live there without the restaurants and live theatre that brought her great joy in previous years.

Tristan, my first born but middle in our family, manages the McGrath Kia & Hyundai dealership in Hiawatha, IA. He finished a degree in Political Science at the U of I two winters ago and loves working with cars.

Japhy, my youngest and better known here as Groovy Girl, is in her freshman year at U of I in Iowa City. She is learning to navigate college life through a pandemic with virtual classes and a very different dorm life than expected.

All three children enjoy spending time together, and I hope will continue to seek each other throughout their adult lives. After a few ups and downs with each child I’m most interested in their happiness. I hope they find good life partners who bring out the best in each other. I hope they enjoy their work and lead socially responsible lives.

I’ve reflected back recently on my talents as a parent and I realized I am good at cuddling and we spent hours curled up reading or talking together. This makes me a great emotional support animal: you can bring me anywhere. I’m also a pretty good personal chef. My kids have a wide variety of food they eat and don’t eat. Kaylee eats chicken but not red meat, Tristan went from begging for meat in our mostly vegetarian diet when he was a middle school student and is now a fully committed vegan. Japhy eats a wide variety and loves to cook but learned this summer that she is allergic to eating tomatoes after she did the elimination diet. She has had digestion problems throughout high school and we can’t seem to find all the culprits.

I am there for them when they need food or drink-most of the time. I’ve faltered a few times. In my beginning stages of learning to cook vegan I had some rough patches but as we usually do- we made it to the other side. Forgive me if I can’t remember who likes apples, kiwi, cranberries, or extra cheese! I love all three of these amazing adult children with all their unique personalities. I know they will show up for me as well. The empty nest feels strange but I’m happy to share these three humans with the world.

Time Travel

I feel like I’m time traveling through the month at light speed, forward motion on zoom. We’ve been lucky to have Groovy Girl home the last two weekends. We’ve hiked in the Fall leaves, we’ve eaten amazing food and cuddled. Her coming home from college at first was like “hmmm, should we fist bump and call it good?” but now we throw caution to the wind, trusting that we’ve all been safe during the week, so that we may cuddle on the sofa together to hang out. She and I are “cuddlers”, we love to share a blanket, the sofa, anywhere where we can snuggle close and breathe each other in. She is really good about wearing a mask in her daily life and only goes to one class – ballet – in person (and they wear masks while dancing) with the rest of her classes meeting virtually so from the comfort of her dorm room.

(source)

Last weekend when she was here I dreamed that I wanted cauliflower tacos and when I googled the recipe I found lots of choices. I had to weed through the recipes because she is allergic to tomatoes. I found a recipe on Bon Appetit that is so FANTASTIC! I made them again this Friday night. We loved that it was vegan, that it needed no other toppings to make it delicious. We tried to add a little goat cheese and did not like the combined flavors as the taco flavor is so bold that it needs no other accompaniments. We did have some of our garden kale cut in to strips to add on and a little fresh baby greens and those two seemed to be fine additions to offer a little extra fresh crunch but otherwise these tacos are spot on perfect and have found a place in our permanent collection. The two sauces are easy to put together and I had everything already in my cupboards. If you are looking for a meat-free dish that comes together quickly this one will not disappoint. Groovy Girl ate 4 the first night we had them.

I finished The Guest List and Wrong guy, Right room; both very good. I lost interest in the Guest List halfway through-felt like we really dipped down with sorrowful tales and back and forth memories but the last few chapters really redeemed the tale. Wrong guy, Right room was delightful. I’m now reading Greetings from Witness Protection! by Jake Burt for school; it is on our list for Iowa Children’s Choice Awards this year and it’s good. I’m still working on Untamed by Glennon and I need to review This Tender Land by William Kent Krueger, one of my favorite authors, for book club this month. After watching the Smithsonian’s National Book Festival authors this year all online I am trying to read Marlon James’ book Black Leopard, Red Wolf. It’s unique and I’m not sure I’ll make it through it but he was interesting to listen to him talk.

Did you watch the vice presidential debate? I’m super ready for this campaign to be over and a new administration to take office. Please have a peaceful week!

Happy Earth Day!

(source)

The world is still sheltering down, trying to stay safe from Covid-19 yet climate change is still the biggest issue we need to face head on. 50 years ago today people showed up and proclaimed their concern over environmental problems at the time. Read this article from The Hill which talks about how we can get more people mobilized around climate change. Most of us are together in our earnestness to #StaySafeatHome and the same can happen with climate change. There are many Earth Day activities taking place around the world usually and this year is different as you will have to find ways to celebrate solo. The Earth Day organization has a live event happening as we speak until 8pm tonight with many other ways to get involved included on their website and the National Parks Service has many suggestions.

I think many people at home have new skills emerging which can help our connection to the earth. I see lots of posts on social media about baking bread, creating meals together, lots of walks, more downtime together and maybe some of those new learned habits will carry over. If people are willing to hunker down to stay healthy this potentially could lead to be as concerned over the environment. What new environmental crisis will follow? Instead of just waiting idly by for it to hit us; now is the time to get on board. I know I will talk a walk today in one of our many local nature centers. I’m going to follow along with the Live event on the Earth Day website and just try to be more informed. I want to go look at plants to start gardening but I have many seed packets leftover from previous years and I’m going to plant those first. I’ll get to the greenhouse at some point but I really am trying to stay home as much as possible. Find a way to celebrate with family and friends even just by discussing it. Keeping that awareness alive is most important right now. Science matters.