love – Peaceful Reader

Merry Little Holiday

December is here and nearly gone and then we’ll move into a brand new year. We’ve enjoyed most of the month together both at school and here at home. The holiday season is different when you have adult children instead of small creatures running about the house. Adult children help you in the kitchen, and they don’t require the same kind of toys under the tree. Oh, don’t get me wrong I vividly remember the pure joy of the holiday time for children; it’s a different joy when they are older. The three adult children like each other much better now. There is no awkward competition except for the fun banter over games and gifts, the kind of banter that is learned through good relationships. It’s a breath of fresh air.

Our holiday time was spent talking about current politics, eating excellent food, playing a few new board games, and watching Christmas movies. Hot Frosty, The Merry Gentlemen, and The Noel Diary were top of our list. We drove Kaylee to the Minneapolis airport so she could fly home and Japhy, Greg, and I had the opportunity to see a beautiful play, The Heart Sellers, at the Guthrie Theatre.

We made vegan pho for Christmas dinner and it was the loveliest, so warm and nourishing. I used the recipe from Love and Lemons to make the broth a day before and were inspired by a NYT and Cookie + Kate recipe for topping choices. The broth was very aromatic with deep flavor, didn’t take me a long time meaning I’ll make it again. We added in shitake mushrooms, carrot slivers, sprouts, green onions, edamame, and tofu plus lots of love. We made a double batch so we had plenty to eat that night and Tristan took a full Ball jar home with him and we had a full jar as well which Japhy ate today for lunch. I love leftovers.

I have some wonderful gifts to take me into 2025 including a new yoga bolster (Tristan), a mini Kindle (Japhy), and a beautiful brown sweater from Quince (Kaylee). My husband ordered a heated vest for me to wear because I am always cold. I’ve read a lot of books in 2024 (more on this next post) using the Kindle app on my phone so I think it will be a nice change of pace to have this Kindle for reading instead. My phone is plugged in away from me overnight so that’s a problem if I’m reading a great book digitally.

I hope you’ve all had a merry holiday season and have your feet firmly on the ground, bracing for 2025. With love and peace to you…

Christmas morning

The stockings are all hung and filled. We have an abundance of presents under and around our tree. Creatures are stirring somewhere in the house. The sunrise this morning was beautiful with shades of orange, pink, and lavender. It’s a new day, a Christmas morning. I’m thankful I no longer have to pull off the ruse of Santa for the children who are now full grown adults.

We had a lovely Christmas Eve together. In the afternoon Kaylee, Sam, Greg and I made the trek to Waverly to see my mom and play a round of Spite and Malice with her. When we returned I got cooking. I did a lot of early preparations so I didn’t have to spend long hours in the kitchen. I’ve also gained a sous chef in Kaylee’s boyfriend Sam. I put him in charge of the Roasted Squash Salad, same salad we had at Thanksgiving and it was just as good the second time around. For dinner I made Thyme and White Bean Pot Pies. Earlier in the day I created the filling and then the dough so all I had to do was assemble them and slide them into the oven. I added small florets of cauliflower and spinach to this recipe because I could imagine the flavor mixing well. I owe our dinner spread to Dana @Minimalist Baker.

Does everybody have a routine for their holidays? We do thanks to the Holt side of the family. We open up stockings with everyone taking a turn. It’s a calm way to start the day and after we eat breakfast. I am making a vegan scramble with sweet and gold potatoes, spinach, and vegan sausage with grits on the side. Then we get into the fun of opening up the presents under the tree. Again we take turns. Japhy used to wear the Santa hat to pass gifts around to each person.

For dinner I’ve made two soups I’ve made before and all I have to do is reheat them. I will make bread to serve with the soups. Creamy Vegan Wild Rice Soup and Corn Chowder from Natasha’s Kitchen. I made the corn chowder vegan by omitting the whole bacon step and using a combination of creamy oat milk and coconut milk. I usually don’t do the bacon step but the milk switch is new. I’m pretty confident it will taste similar.

My people are all still sleeping and I’m enjoying these last few minutes of quiet time. Our family is growing with the addition of Sam and Courtney, Tristan’s girlfriend and I’m enjoying getting to know both of them as we play games (a hilarious round of Scattegories last night), cook together, and chat. today we will play a round of Spite and Malice, work on the music puzzle that is spread out on the dining room table.

I hope you have a peaceful day whatever your plans. Take care of yourself. Happy holidays from us to you.

Love Dogs

There are so many awful things going on in the world today. Terrible laws are being proposed and passed, book bans in several states, Russia ruthlessly exerting its power in the Ukraine. It’s very difficult to see reports flashing on my phone. After I’ve donated, shared, and read enough to keep myself informed I then have to step away and focus on something else and right now I’m thinking of dogs. Yes, dogs. Loyal companions, easy cuddles. They ask for so little but to be loved and fed and walked.

Throughout my life I’ve had a long list of dogs. We had a gray French Miniature poodle growing up and then my dad, a hunter, raised several Brittany Spaniels and eventually two of my brothers owned Brittanys as well.

The first dog I had on my own as an adult was Taylor, a beautiful black Lab, who loved me to the moon and back. I inherited her from an ex-boyfriend because she noticeably missed me after we broke up. Taylor came with me when I moved from Colorado back to Iowa and she lived quite a few years with us here. She was Tristan’s first companion and that dog followed him everywhere. Taylor was so calm even my Grandma Bruch fell in love with her. She would pat Taylor’s head and say “You’re a pretty good girl for a dog.” She passed away one Christmas morning and it was a sad day for everyone in our household.

It took us exactly one year before we found another little black Lab puppy at our local shelter. We brought her home a day before Christmas to surprise the kids. She’s still with us at 13 years old. We had an opportunity a couple years ago to take in an older chocolate Lab dog because her family had a new baby in the house. Izzy was a plodding sweetheart of a dog, heart of gold, with soulful eyes. We were so sad when she passed a few years ago.

(Tarah and Izzy)

Tarah’s now much more gray and slower. In her heyday though she ran races with my husband and ran with him on a regular basis. A few times she’d get lost chasing a deer and return home hours later panting but happy. My husband was more of a cat person when I met him but he has come around. I’m usually the instigator of all things dog (“let’s get another one!” but three summers ago while we were in Northern Minnesota he saw an update from our shelter that they’d received a large batch of dogs and so when we returned home from our trip we thought “let’s just go take a little look…”

Nothing caught our eyes right away as we walked through the sad cages of barking dogs until we rounded this corner in the back and found Ruby, a beautiful Rhodesian Ridgeback pictured above. She’d come from a puppy mill in Oklahoma, been adopted by a farm family and then returned, someone was mean to her along this way and she came to us with a fear of men. For the first few weeks we thought she was bark-less but no, she was just scared and eventually, once she trusted us, her bark came back (somewhat unfortunately) Ridgebacks were bred to keep the lions at bay in South Africa and she acts like our home is her estate. We love her very much and respect all the trauma she’s experienced. Except that I lost sight of that a few weeks ago.

We were at the dog park when we ran into a friend who had an adorable Norwegian Elkhound little foster pup that I fell in love with and adopted her just a few days later. It was a whirlwind romance but our other two dogs, especially Ruby, did not feel the same affection for Niko. There was a lot of barking and complaining around our house with Niko trying to play with the Tarah and Ruby but to no avail. After some deep soul searching we decided to pass Niko on to friends who have three kids and no other dogs. Niko is a special pup and deserves the best possible life, Ruby deserves my full attention as the trauma babe that she is, and Tarah needs to live out her last few years in peace and harmony because this is the only home she knows. It should be a place of comfort.

And just as I write that last sentence my thoughts went right to the Ukrainian people who deserve that as well. It all comes full circle and dogs do often teach us the deep lessons. Peace be with you as we welcome Spring. Support efforts to help the Ukrainian people. Find resources on this NPR page. Stay in touch with what brings you joy as you reach out to help others.

Feeling the blues, finding the joy

I know I’m not the only one but it still feels uncomfortable. I went to bed on Christmas night fighting all manner of demons. Did everyone get something they were excited about? Was there enough food? Was there enough joy and laughter? Our time together is very limited as a family and we had a new boyfriend in the mix. Did he enjoy his time with us? Was it all stimulating enough? Did we take them to cool places in town? Were we Covid-cautious enough for the New Yorkers? And the tree-oh, the tree was a whole thing!

It’s hard to answer all these questions as you head off to sleep and truthfully you never know but here is what I do know: our bellies were full with good food, we laughed and played together and there was not one fight! People seemed happy with gifts they received and most importantly they seemed to enjoy the gift giving process as well. Even the son got on board with gift giving in real time. Last year he ordered everyone’s gifts Christmas Day and while that had its own thrill, this year he said it was important to see everyone’s faces as they opened gifts! There in is the gift worth opening-the spirit of simple giving.

I’ve worked to let my anxious feelings go over the last few days. It is what it is and I can see us laughing together especially over our online Jeopardy, the raucous sounds of lively foosball games rising from the basement, and the joy of sitting around the table together. One of my highlights was listening to Kaylee explain just how Christmas morning would go because we have a pattern, a flow to how our traditions unfold and that description was priceless.

The new year is approaching and the children are once again scattered back to their homes but we will hold the Christmas of 2021 especially dear because we could be all together and we were happy for those days, sharing our memories and our lives. We say “cheers” for a healthy and hope-filled 2022. Find what makes you stay sane…

Lovely bread

{source}

I love how my kitchen smells when the dough is rising and baking. It’s a very earthy smell and one that takes me back to my grandmother’s kitchen. My brother and I were recently talking about how her home was such a respite when we were there because of how she made you feel. She pulled you in, made you laugh, and fed you delicious homemade food. This bread is my gift.

Simple Pot Bread

Makes 1 loaf suitable for 4-6 people
5-6 quart Dutch oven or other pot with lid

3 cups all-purpose (unbleached) flour
3/4 tsp regular yeast or 1/2 tsp instant yeast
1 1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups (warm) water

1. Make the dough in the morning, before you eat breakfast or go to work. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl. The dough will be wet and slightly goopy. Spray the dough with nonstick cooking spray or drizzle olive oil over the top. Cover the bowl lightly with plastic wrap (I drape it with a flour sack towel) and leave it in the warmest spot in your kitchen. Let it rise for at least 6 hours, although up to 12 will be fine.

2. About 3 hours before dinner, lightly spray a work surface, such as a countertop, with spray. By now the dough will have expanded into a wet, dimpled mass. Dump the whole thing out onto the oiled surface. Push it roughly into the shape of a ball and cover again with your towel. Let it sit for 1-2 hours. If you have to skip this step it will be fine.

3. When you’re ready to bake the bread, preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Put the Dutch oven into the oven to get hot as the oven heats up. ( I splash olive oil in so that heats up as well.)

4. Pour or roll the dough into the hot pot. You may have to pry it or peel it off the countertop. The dough will be very wet. Don’t worry if it looks a mess as it’s rolled into the pot. This is a rustic loaf! Cover the pot with the lid and bake for 30 minutes. Remove the lid and bake for another 15 minutes to let brown.

5. Remove the bread from the oven and immediately take it out of the pot and roll the bread right out. If you have the time let it sit for another 30 minutes before slicing so that it can set. This is plenty of time to put a casserole into the oven and make a salad, so by the time the bread has cooled and is ready to eat, you should be able to have a complete meal on the table.

Slightly adapted from Not Your Mother’s Casseroles by Faith Durand.

I’ve made a few changes after making this bread hundreds of times. I start the yeast with warm water and stir it up with a fork to build a little heat. That’s a Jaime Oliver trick. I end up adding about 1/2 cup more flour as I shape the loaf; it’s not as sticky then and it doesn’t hurt the final outcome at all. I’ve also been able to speed up the rising process by leaving it in my oven on the proof setting. I shape my dough on this Pampered Chef pastry mat which is an amazing tool for bread and pie dough and it is very easy to clean up.

Enjoy this easy gift for friends and family or make it for yourself! I generally make two loaves at a time; one to keep and one to give away. That isn’t my photo {see source} above because I suck at food photography but the bread does look a lot like that.

What is your love language?

We are living in a rough environment right now. So much that surrounds are daily life are colliding. Emotions, government, lifestyles, masks/vaccinations, climate developments. I’ve discovered that when I’m struggling emotionally I connect with food. I’ve made a wide variety of recipes the last few weeks. And then I’ll completely stop making food and just eat snacks for dinner; cheese, crackers, and a cluster of grapes. It’s back and forth. For awhile I was really focused on my at home yoga practice with Adriene but I’ve slacked off – like way off. I haven’t done a lick of yoga throughout September except this morning. I was awake too early and decided to spend some of that time blinking my eyes open and reconnecting to my mat. It felt great and I know I can get back on track but I still feel a bit off kilter. I’m going to make the promise to show up though and as she’s says that’s what’s important.

(Buffalo Chickpea Salad)

Here’s a smattering of what I’ve cooked to connect to myself. I made this Quinoa Enchilada Bake after I discovered Jamie and her Dishing out Health on Instagram. I’ve made several of her recipes now and love every one. Many are vegan or can easily be with minimal switches. I made this Wild Rice and Mushroom Soup to split with Tristan and my husband “accidentally” had a bowl after work and loved it. I made this Buffalo Chickpea Salad with Yogurt Ranch Dressing which was so easy and packed a little heat! And to combat allergies and the cooler Fall weather I made this Immunity Boosting Tumeric Chicken Soup because I had leftovers from an farm-raised chicken.

And because I love dessert I made this Easy S’mores Dip to share with friends. It was amazing and days later I was still scraping chocolate and toasted marshmallows crusts from my Lodge skillet. Last night after a meeting I came home and made this easy brownie recipe to share at school for a teacher friend’s birthday. Just for fun I added chopped up marshmallows and broiled the pan for just about 5 minutes. The brownies were dense and delicious all on their own but the browned marshmallows added extra birthday zing! This recipe truly was easy and I’ll make it again when in a pinch for a chocolate treat.

This is the love I share with my family and friends. I feed them. It’s an old tradition that stems from my grandmother who loved to offer visitors a meal or at least a sandwich! I just finished the very quirky Anxious People by Fredrik Backman which I loved even after a rocky start. And I’m trying to spend as much time outside as I possible can to soak up the wonderful weather before it gets too cold. Recently I was lucky enough to connect with my dearest friend, Verda, and we walked her dogs, shopped at crafty local stores, ate good food, and talked about the world. I guess maybe my recent blue period is because I want that to be my every day. I love teaching and connecting with students but I’m constantly worried about getting sick. Even though I know I’m in a much safer category after having Covid and getting vaccinated but it is still a major worry.

“Find what feels good” ~Adriene and try and remain calm – this is my new mantra. Say it with me…

May Celebrations

The weather is chilly here, I am still wearing a warmer coat to walk the dogs, and haven’t planted anything yet because it gets too cold at night. Every once in a while the sun is strong in the afternoon and feels nice and warm. I’m ready for the intense heat of summertime. I’m also ready for my school students to run wildly out the door, to be free for the summer, to put this year behind. I don’t know what next year will look like but these kids need a summer break.

Yesterday I drove back home after visiting my brother and sister-in-law in the Minneapolis area. It was cold there also. Friday night we had an excellent dinner with this chickpea soup prepared by both my brother and his wife and old family friends helped as well. I feel like I’ve known them my whole life and there is something so reassuring about having people in your life that knew you as a young person. Marv was one of my dad’s best friends and Marcia still remains one of my mother’s besties. It was wonderful to watch the two of them talk at the table together, heads leaning in. My mother broke her hip in a recent fall and uses a walker right now and Marcia has her own. Marv recently recovered from a very serious heart surgery as well. We are all getting older. Yep. The night was magical though and it was lovely to visit with both Marv and Marcia, sharing and listening to their life stories. My nephew Beckett interviewed Marv about his Cold War experiences guarding the Berlin Wall. I loved hearing Marcia’s stories about childbirth in the 1970s where she had to argue to have her husband in the delivery room. We’ve come a long way baby.

The next day we had a lazy morning (I slept until 9:30!) and then went to Excelsior, browsed and had lunch at Coalition. We celebrated Mother’s Day all weekend and my brother’s 49th birthday. We had four different delicious desserts over the course of two days. And then I made fresh cinnamon rolls for Sunday brunch before we left town. I should think about giving up sugar for a few weeks. My brother is an amazing chef and really enjoys planning a menu and sharing food with friends and neighbors.

And then we had to come home, back to reality, back to lesson planning and waking up early. I did come home to a lovely daughter, and another calling me to leave a happy message from Brooklyn, and a son who took time to call and chat about everything. I felt loved all weekend long and even more so pulling into my own driveway, reaching my home destination because my family was happy to see me and my dogs were so excited to see me. I could tell because of the full body tail shake!

I finished The Night Watchman by Louise Erdrich, an excellent read, Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi, the author of Homecoming, another excellent read. Now I am reading The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett, author of The Mothers, both wonderful stories. I’m trying to squeeze in lots of adult fiction before summer hits because I’m taking two classes and I have lots of award contenders to read before August. Librarian Life. Enjoy…

Showing UP: a love letter

I love the three children that grew up in our house together. I tried my best to show up and be a good mama. It didn’t happen every day or every moment but I hope my children remember times that I was there for them, that I supported and encouraged them. All three are adults now off in the world doing their own things.

Kaylee, the oldest of the three and my stepdaughter, produces a podcast, Heavyweight, for Gimlet Media and she lives in Brooklyn, NY. She’s been stuck in NY throughout the pandemic learning to live there without the restaurants and live theatre that brought her great joy in previous years.

Tristan, my first born but middle in our family, manages the McGrath Kia & Hyundai dealership in Hiawatha, IA. He finished a degree in Political Science at the U of I two winters ago and loves working with cars.

Japhy, my youngest and better known here as Groovy Girl, is in her freshman year at U of I in Iowa City. She is learning to navigate college life through a pandemic with virtual classes and a very different dorm life than expected.

All three children enjoy spending time together, and I hope will continue to seek each other throughout their adult lives. After a few ups and downs with each child I’m most interested in their happiness. I hope they find good life partners who bring out the best in each other. I hope they enjoy their work and lead socially responsible lives.

I’ve reflected back recently on my talents as a parent and I realized I am good at cuddling and we spent hours curled up reading or talking together. This makes me a great emotional support animal: you can bring me anywhere. I’m also a pretty good personal chef. My kids have a wide variety of food they eat and don’t eat. Kaylee eats chicken but not red meat, Tristan went from begging for meat in our mostly vegetarian diet when he was a middle school student and is now a fully committed vegan. Japhy eats a wide variety and loves to cook but learned this summer that she is allergic to eating tomatoes after she did the elimination diet. She has had digestion problems throughout high school and we can’t seem to find all the culprits.

I am there for them when they need food or drink-most of the time. I’ve faltered a few times. In my beginning stages of learning to cook vegan I had some rough patches but as we usually do- we made it to the other side. Forgive me if I can’t remember who likes apples, kiwi, cranberries, or extra cheese! I love all three of these amazing adult children with all their unique personalities. I know they will show up for me as well. The empty nest feels strange but I’m happy to share these three humans with the world.

Grateful hearts

Before i could release

the weight of my sadness

and pain, i first had

to honor its existance

~yung pueblo

don’t run away

from heavy emotions

honor the anger;

give pain the space

it needs to breathe

this is how we let go
~yung pueblo

[Stan on the left]

Two weeks ago the earth tilted off course for a brief moment and a friend of mine, Stan Crossland, died as he tried to change a tire on the shoulder of a highway in California. It’s been a painfully sad two weeks yet I’ve also had this amazing flood of memories. This post is one of mourning but also gratitude for the time we spent together. Stan was an effervescent guy, filled with laughter and good vibes. He loved to travel and had been to a crazy amount of countries. He loved good food and we often ended our evenings with chocolate chip cookies dunked in a mug of milk. He was filled with surprises and thoughtfully showed up on Valentine’s Day with a heart-shaped pizza for me at the end of my wait shift. We hosted several Friendsgiving events and played football in the snow before dinner. We both love music and were often out dancing to a variety of local Denver bands in and around the city.

[Utah]

We traveled to Las Vegas in May 1993 with friends to see Sting and The Dead play; we had so much fun tromping around the glittery all-night city, cocktails in hand. Just the other day I had a flashback memory of finishing our hotel breakfast and heading toward our car through glass patio doors where we saw the beautiful pool and took one look at each other and soft dove right into that pool with clothes on. It was a wet first few hours back in the car but we laughed about that for a long time. So smug were we.

I loved him and he loved me; we had each other’s backs. That same year we took another trip just the two of us heading out of Denver for Salt Lake City where we stayed with my brother, Mike for a day or two, then headed to Lake Powell to see friends of his on holiday from the U.K., and then on up to San Francisco for a New Year’s Eve Dead show at the Oakland Coliseum. I remember Stan watching me as this massive dragon puppet controlled by dozens of people underneath paraded around the floor level. It was an amazing sight that I’d forgotten about for years. Oh, the magic, the mystery, the delightful times we had together.

[Halloween shift at Chives in Denver]

Dearest Stan-

You are an amazing soul and I’m sure you are dancing in heaven, playing with the band. Even though I am happy to connect with you in Chicago just a few years ago I am so sorry to have lost touch with you. I settled down and you went off for more adventure. For the years we were together I am forever grateful for pushing me into new and wonderful experiences. You were the first man I knew who really appreciated me and all my quirks. You totally let me be me. Everyone should have a friend like that in their life. I’m so proud of you for writing a book, taking care of your mother, and continuing to travel, for diving into yoga and meditation. Next time we meet we can get our yoga flow on. Our journey together reminds me of one of my favorite books, Jitterbug Perfume by Tom Robbins. I know I will find you again, maybe with root vegetables in your backpack, so I will just say “until we meet again dear friend” ~with great love, me

May flowers and May Baskets

I remember vividly running around our neighborhood, delivering handmade May baskets when I was a little girl. It was such a thrill to hear your doorbell ring only to find your friend racing away, screaming with delight, after delivering a popcorn-filled basket on your doorstep. Such fun! Now some classrooms participate in this activity delivering popcorn-filled styrofoam cups around school and it’s still cool but it’s lacking that genuine thrill factor. Times change. If you want to bring that excitement back here is a fantastic resource, Create Whimsy, which gives many options over popcorn-filled cups like this plant-filled beauty. Next year I’m going to be prepared and start racing around my neighborhood delivering unique treats.

May is such a busy month as we work to finish out the school year strong, Groovy Girl has her dance recital coming up, we are looking forward to my in-laws visit, and my husband has two shows in the works. Through all these we have to work to breathe, take care of ourselves, go to yoga (me), and get enough sleep (all of us) to be our best. I have my eye on June but I don’t want to arrive there exhausted.

I’m working on a slideshow about gender stereotypes for 6th grade students for tomorrow and when I finish that task I have an excellent book, The Novice by Taran Matharu, to read. This is a book that a 4th grade student handed me and said I should give it a try. Now he stops in every morning to ask where I am in the story. We have a delightful conversation about the story and then he heads off to class. The part of the month that I dread is telling students that check out is finished for the year. At some point it’s a requirement to get all the books back into the library for the summer yet many of our students are such readers they will resist this news and it fills me with joy and breaks my heart at the same time.

What’s inspiring you today?