parents – Peaceful Reader

Life Stories

My grandparents have been on my mind the last few days and my reflection is a mishmash of my memories of them. My paternal grandparents Myldred and Edward Matz were an interesting couple. Edward immigrated from Russia when he was a young man. I don’t know a lot about his story unfortunately because he never talked about it with us or my dad. Myldred, on the other hand, loved to talk and she doted on her two sons, Roger and Jerry. I remember her love of jewelry as she always wore big earrings and matching necklaces. The above photo has me right next to my older brother Mike, Uncle Jack, my Great Grandmother Holmes, Myldred and Ed. My Aunt Virginia was most likely the photographer. She was the cool aunt who moved to California and was back visiting.

(three generations of Bruch women on my grandmother’s back stoop)

I spent a lot more time with my maternal grandparents, LaVera and Ewald Bruch. My grandfather died when I was in elementary school but I do remember him spending a lot of time outside with me. He would introduce me to the trees and other plants in their peaceful yard. He also let me wash his hair and comb it which I thought was great fun. I thought he was a very kind grandpa who liked to hold my hand and swing me up and around. Later in life I learned he had been an abusive father to my mom and her two brothers. It’s very difficult to mix my memories of him with hers. I spent a lot of time with the two of them and then later, after Ewald died I spent my summer vacation with my grandmother and she was my person.

For years my mom and I struggled to have a positive relationship (my middle years were rough) and my grandmother was my go-to person. I’m happy that I can hear her voice in my head; I hear her say my name and I see the smile on her face as she looks at me. I learned so much from her like her love of gardening and good food. She knew all about pesticides and if she brought produce home from the grocery store she would rinse everything in a vinegar mixture before eating it or cooking it. She lived through the depression so saved everything. My cousin Linda and I loved to play in her basement for hours. There were many treasures.

We played countless games of Rack-O and Spite and Malice as I grew up. I felt blessed to have such a warm and tender-hearted grandmother in my life. She listened to me and I felt like a whole person in her presence. That was golden. If I could bring her back for just one day I’d love to sit and talk, play a game of cards, and lay my head in her lap. Life is full of wonder and hardship. I think my grandparents symbolize that for me and I must be feeling a strong pull toward this right now.

(My grandpa Matz being silly with me)

My mama

Judith Ann Cherry

January 15, 1939 – March 17, 2023

Judy Cherry, 84, of Waverly, IA, passed peacefully Friday, March 17, 2023 at the Cedar Valley Hospice, Waterloo. Judy struggled with a blood disorder called myelodysplastic syndrome (MDS) for many years, eventually succumbing to it. She lived longer than expected and the extra time allowed her to enjoy many visits from and amazing meals with family and friends.

The daughter of Lavera Ann (Westendorf) and Ewald Bruch, Judy was born January 15, 1939 in Waterloo, IA. She graduated from East High School in 1957 and attended nursing school for one year at Coe College before choosing a different path. She married Roger Matz on April 12, 1958 and together they had four children: Mike, Michelle, Chris and Jason. On December 31, 1998, Judy married James Cherry in Cedar Falls and the couple made their home in Ventura and then Waverly.

Judy completed her education at Minnesota State University, Mankato and had many life roles: she was a mom, a dreamer, a traveler, a wife, a friend, a businesswoman. She struck people with her fun-loving and eccentric personality.

Judy began her professional career as a teacher in Sleepy Eye, MN before helping her husband Roger acquire and manage small newspapers including The Redfield Press and The Spirit Lake Beacon. Judy later owned and operated the Okoboji Grill, in Okoboji, IA where she especially enjoyed working with the young staff. Judy loved good food, travel, boating Minnesota lakes and rivers, reading books and magazines, games, movies, and documentaries. She loved and cared for many family dogs. Judy gardened all her life and in recent years grew beautiful tomatoes that she shared freely.

She was a gourmet home chef and loved cooking meals from the many cookbooks collected on her travels around the country and to Europe. Passing a love of good food to her children, Judy in later years appreciated watching us cook for her while talking and enjoying a glass of wine. Dining with family and friends was one of Judy’s greatest joys.

Judy was a wonderful grandmother and enjoyed caring for young grandchildren, taking them on adventures and outings and shuttling them to ski, dance, soccer, baseball, and hockey. She was a sharp and competitive Spite and Malice player and especially loved teaching it and playing it with her grandchildren. All the better when she won!

Young people enjoyed talking with Judy and she loved getting to know people and was compassionate in her views of the world. She was interested in politics and things that were happening in the world around her.

Surviving are her husband of 24 years, Jim Cherry of Waverly; her children Mike (Sally Shuffield) Matz, of Durango, CO; Michelle (Greg) Holt, of Cedar Falls; Chris (Jennifer Reynolds) Matz, of Denver, CO and Jason (Stephanie) Matz, of Deephaven, MN; her grandchildren: Carson, Celia, Kaylee, Tristan, Japhy, Henry, Sawyer, Wynn, Rider, Marin, Jasper, and Beckett; her step-children Mike (Audra) Cherry, Dana (Mark) Watson, and Kim (Tony Green) Cherry; her step-grandchildren Rebecca, Ryan, Leah, Tyler, Nate, Jacob, and Rolie; and her 6 step-great grandchildren as well as many good friends.

Preceding her in death are her first husband, Roger, and brothers Robert and Wayne.

Services will be at Redeemer Lutheran Church in Waverly at 2:00 pm on Friday, March 24. In lieu of flowers, donations to the Cedar Valley Hospice would be appreciated.

Post Note: Two of my siblings and I wrote, rewrote and edited this tribute to my mom and then find out that obituaries are the. main means for newspaper cash flow! I wanted to share the whole thing with everyone because an edited version will appear in local papers. She lived a full and happy life. Cheers!

Old Age

I stayed with my mom for the last week and it was an experience. It’s odd to be the one in charge, like a parent to your parent. She needs a lot of help getting around the house and with meals. She sits on this old love seat for most of the day watching lots of PBS. She feels depressed and ready to die. As her daughter it’s hard to hear her say these things because I’m afraid to have her die. On the other hand realistically she is exhausted and tired of feeling like crap because of her MDS diagnosis. It’s stolen some good years away from her; like her body and her abilities look more like she’s a fragile 100 year old human.

During the week she blew up about something little more than once and that was hard to deal with for me. Truthfully she’s always let her temper get the best of her but this seemed like more. Is it because she’s in pain or is it just getting older? She’s very stuck in her ways and this is getting worse as the days go by. She likes to wear certain shirts and sweaters, she likes her things set up on the sofa seat next to her, and she likes to be set up in bed exactly the same every night. She still loves to eat really good food even if it’s super small portions. She loves her coffee in the morning. This week we had pasta with shrimp, fresh fried eggs, lovely little salads, and an un-spicy chili. We had a small glass of champagne while we played cards to celebrate our last night together.

I’m glad I have this time with her and hope she can make it until Spring. She loves the flowers, the sunshine, and sitting on a pretty patio. It’s hard watching your parent age and I have a front row seat. The week exhausted me – I was sleeping on a sofa-and listening to her cough and gasp all night. She was cranky with me but overall a good week together. I know I’ll appreciate it down the road.

An education for all…

(stock photo – 1970)

To be a teacher today you have to be a psychologist, play therapist, mediator, mother/father figure, and humorist all rolled into one. It’s not the easy job it once was; not to belittle teachers of the past but I think of the teachers I had growing up and they didn’t need to have quite the skill set we do now. I’ve interviewed some retired teachers to check my thinking on this and they agree. Teaching has changed; the pay has not. We work damn hard for our money and leave exhausted every day. Many of us work an hour (and sometimes more) at the end of the day to be ready for the next day and many of us spend weekend afternoons to plan for the week. It’s a lot of planning to keep kids interested in what we teach. We have to figure out ways to integrate technology but not too much. I don’t want to give kids the perception that everything fun happens on a screen. I stress books, reading, board games, and lots of time outside and that is true for in school and out. I want students I work with to enjoy school both in the library and in their classroom.

(image – JennyXYoung)

My daughter – Groovy Girl – is in high school now, a senior! When I started this blog she was just beginning elementary school, which she loved! She adored many of her teachers and was excited for the variety of activities they did. She hates school now and it crushes me. She loves learning and watches a lot of cool educational documentaries for fun. She is opinionated and understands a great deal about the world around her. So why do we squeeze the fun out of school at the middle and high school level?

She is sleepy every morning as she trudges off to school. She is tired from dance the night before and often stays up to midnight to finish homework. As a parent I’ve questioned why are we still doing dance when it leaves very little time for homework yet it is her absolute JOY. How can I take that away from her? I can’t. So we struggle through and she worries about if she’ll make it in college based on her high school experience. She gets little help from school counselors and her teachers. She’s smart, yet has to work hard, and she questions her ability all the time. Sometimes when she takes a test (1-4 performance-based grade) and doesn’t do well she has nowhere to turn. The class just moves on except technically they are supposed to reteach if kids are struggling. I want her to be able to retake a test to help her learn more. I want her teachers to reach out and see her even if she is the only one struggling with concepts. Our system at least in high school fails in this. She feels horrible when she doesn’t succeed and while I know the real world is often dog eat dog most jobs you learn as you go and you keep moving forward. We should allow failures to blossom into growth in all levels of education.

I am aware in all this that technology plays a role in her life and is often a HUGE hindrance in getting things accomplished. She can access homework on her phone and uses it for flashcards and learning apps like Quizlet but often that leads to checking IG, watching SnapChat videos from friends, the list is endless. After a recent conversation she deleted some of her time-wasting apps, which made her happy; to be pro-active but then said she filled that time with dancing around the house instead of more homework! I wish I had the answer or magical words to help. I don’t. Do you?

Teachers and students of today have a mixed bag of trouble and triumph. I hope she (and I) can make it through this year and that she will flourish in college. I want to enjoy this last year with her not spend every day helping her work out her frustrations and encouraging confidence in herself.

Two fantastic novels

I almost put YA novels because that’s the library section I found them in except these books would be good for anyone in high school and adults; they both deserve a much wider audience.

The Miseducation of Cameron Post; a novel

emily m. danforth

(2012)

“The afternoon my parents died, I was out shoplifting with Irene Klausen” is just how this novel begins. Cameron Post is a very unique character; she’s 12, she shoplifts, thinks about girls, and has the wide open space of Miles City, Montana to explore. Her life doesn’t change much after her parents die in a car accident. She hangs out with Irene and practices for swim meets except now she spends a lot of time in her room watching VHS movies on a television she moved from her parent’s bedroom. You get the sense she misses her parents and she does meet with a school counselor yet she doesn’t spend much time grieving. She doesn’t realize until later all that she’s lost.

Her mother’s sister, Ruth, leaves her home in Florida to move in with Cameron. Her grandmother continues to stay with her so Cameron is in the same house/town/school she is familiar with and life keeps spinning along. While she’s had a few small romances along the way it isn’t until Cameron runs into Coley Taylor at church that that life turns upside down for her.

I want all of you to read the book fresh so I’m not going to say more other than Ms. Danforth has created such an easily read (470 pgs worth) story that you just have to keep reading more and more until you come to the last page and then you still want more. Her characters are so fully developed that even the bad characters have redeeming qualities. Two sidekicks of Cameron’s, Jamie and Adam, were favorites of mine. This story will stay with you for a long time with its fine writing; marvelous wit and brutal honest look at how we try to mold people into what they are not.

A quote:

“She reached around the locker door and grabbed my arm all dramatic-like. “I’ll call Ruth. I’ll do it. I’ll call her and tell her you’ve being all weirdo loner again and won’t come to prom and you know she won’t let off you. She’ll have all sorts of ideas about eligible bachelors.”

“You’re a terrible person and I hate you.”

“So who do you want me to ask?”…(131)

When you were here

Daisy Whitney

2013

This one, also about an orphaned child, is very well-written and has a unique look at teenagers as humans; young adults who make mistakes but that can move on and learn. There is drug use and sex along with death and dying.

Danny’s mother has just died after a five year struggle with cancer. His father died six years ago in an accident which means Danny is now alone. He’s valedictorian of his class and the only people with him at his graduation ceremony are Kate, his mom’s best friend and Kate’s daughter, Holland. He feels adrift until he receives a letter from one of his mom’s friends in Tokyo. His mom was undergoing a unique treatment in Japan and Danny feels drawn to understand more about her though-process. Suddenly he has a purpose; he will go to Tokyo, meet this friend, and spend time trying to understand more about his mom through the last places she visited before she died. Danny’s relationship with his mom as well as Holland’s relationship with her mom both attest to the idea that kids can screw up and still maintain positive relationships with their parents. The only drawback to this book is that most teens do not have the kind of money that Danny is given. It works and it is well-explained but enviable.

A quote:

I press. “How was she taking care of my mom if she died?” I am sick of beating around the bush. I want to know what all these legends, all this tea and happiness and healing cures, are supposed to mean. “In case you didn’t know, she died. Okay? There was no cure. The tea didn’t work. Turns out it’s not mystical after all. She’s gone. Done. sayonara. The jig is up.” My voice is caustic, the words corrosive, but inside I just want so badly to know all the things my mom never told me. (111)

I checked both of these out from my local library.